Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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