While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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