READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
