My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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