Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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