i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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