She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
