Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
