Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
