nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
