Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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