I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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