Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
