dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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