I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
