Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
