I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
