You smell like a Billy Joel song
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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