yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
