I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
