so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have feelings that need drinking.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know her cup size but not her name....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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