I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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