Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My pussy is not your playground.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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