Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
