can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
