We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
