It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize