And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
