I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
