We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
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Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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