Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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