Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
