My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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