i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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