why didn't you poke me back
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
