This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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