just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
