Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
