Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
