My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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