Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
