I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
