After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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