So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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