I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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