i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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