that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
