We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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