I am full of burrito and curiosity
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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