she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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