You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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