And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
