we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can I color on your dick again?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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