if i can run in heels then i can drive
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
