So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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