I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize