Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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