yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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