i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
