Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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