It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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