I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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