kristin has been a bad kristin
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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