Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
