like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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