Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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