my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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