just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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