please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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