It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
