Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
